Archives: January 2004
Thursday, January 29, 2004
I always love how some people presume to know me. Especially when it's people I haven't confided anything remotely personal to in well over 4 years. Now I'm sure we all think or wish we were really unpredictable, and I know that in many cases we're just not, but when someone presumes to know you and how you'll react to stuff and other movies based on the critiques you give of 4 movies (Star Wars eps 1 & 2 and the Matrix 2 & 3), and some prior knowledge from when they knew you way back when, when your life was vastly different and you were vastly younger, you know they're full of shit.
Though the person who presumes this is arrogant. I don't think he's ever thought he wasn't right about something, and I can't remember the last time he actually admitted he wasn't right, or apologised for it either. The side of me he's most often seen in the past 4 years, in which we've had very sporadic contact at best, is the side of me that responds to his sheer arrogance, his petulance, his know-it-all attitude and his condescension. Which is hardly a representation of me in my day to day life, nor is it who I am, and nor is it the person many of my really close friends know.
So many things have changed in my life in the past 4 years, and even more in the past 6 months, with a few very hefty changes that have gone both documented and undocumented online, that if I say he doesn't know who I am anymore, it's pretty accurate. And sometimes I wonder if he really ever knew me at all, the fact that he presumes to know how I work and what he bases that presumption on is probably all the answer I'll need. The answer being NO.
You know how they have those silly "how well do you know me?" surveys online, the ones that get sent around via email every once in a while. Whilst all fairly superficial I'm sure he couldn't name most of the things I like, not without actually going through places where I've documented my likes and dislikes. And no, knowing what someone's favourite food and colour is doesn't necessarily mean that you really know that person tremendously well or are the better friend, but it's a fair indication to a degree as well.
In many cases I'm very open to people on all kinds of subjects about myself and what I'm going through. However there's also a side of me that only very few people get to see, and in some cases those people can be numbered on one hand or less, and sometimes there's a side that only gets committed to paper, and nobody hears about it at all. So by that token alone I know he knows little about me... he's definitely not one of the handful of people who gets to see the inner parts of the real me, and he's not even been in the satellite orbit of my personality in about 4 years, which rules him out of even really knowing who I am on a fairly rudimentary basis, let alone a more indepth one.
Yet even though I tell him he has no idea who I am anymore, he persists, mainly based on his presumption that he's always right, and based on some misguided ideas about how I respond to things and why. And then he usually proceeds to being smarmy, condescending and patronising. It's no small wonder I haven't confided in him in a long long time, and why our friendship, such as it was, fizzled to the status of mere acquantaince, and a distant one at that.
He currently falls under the header of "with friends like these, who needs enemies". Sometimes I think he gets off on pushing my buttons, which he probably does. I'm just tired of having them pushed really. I don't need "friends" who get their kicks out of antagonising, patronising and condescending me. I don't need "friends" who give me attitude. I can get all of that shit from the average day to day jerk I encounter on the street, I surely don't need it from someone within a closer circle around me.
And so I think this is one friend who's satellite is getting boosted out of my orbit. Whether he crashes and burns somewhere, or starts orbiting somewhere else is up to him and none of my concern. But I think I've had enough to last me a lifetime, and I don't see it ever improving anyway considering that this idiotic song and dance, where he goes through a bout of antagonising me and provoking me into arguments, has repeated itself several times now, since a pivotal moment four-and-a-half years ago that changed everything.
I'll stick to people who can provide something constructive, inspirational or supportive in my life. Or even just good natured fun and entertainment.
@ 06:37 PM EST
Sunday, January 25, 2004
So today I made fresh "gumbo" vegetable soup. Because I wanted to make it, and because I wanted to make something, and also because we were in need of some healthier food and something homecooked. Not that I've even slacked off on the cooking that much lately, but the veggies have kind of dropped by the way once or twice when I was in a hurry. Another trigger I guess was the burger I had yesterday from Wendy's, that made me regret it through stomach cramps and other fun stuff later that evening. Blergh.
Also I read an interesting article that was posted on the NY Post website, about a guy who made a fast food documentary and did a 30 day McDonald's diet, which was interesting. Needless to say it made him sicker than a dog, he gained 25lbs in the 30 days, and had various health issues, like a toxic liver and skyrocketing cholesterol. Also food for thought, if you'll pardon the pun. I pasted the article in my livejournal for those who want to read it yet only read my stuff here.
Aside from the soup I made 'southern biscuits' to eat with the soup. I'd wanted to do something like (herb) rolls or savoury scones or such, but didn't have the ingredients, nor the inclination to go to the store at that time and battling the brutal cold to do so, so I made those instead, with the recipe from the self-raising flour pack. They were pretty good. And even after the cooking the kitchen is now relatively orderly, which is nice, and a little unusual for me ;) I don't mind a little organised chaos, but sometimes it gets to be too much, to the point that it's almost paralysing. Which is what's happening with my desk.
My desk is so cluttered that I don't really feel like I can tackle it, it's just intimidating. Intimidating to the point that it just puts me off actually working on anything. Maybe I'll just grab a box, shove all the loose stuff in it, wipe it all down with a cloth, and then slowly start sorting through the box and organising where what goes etc.
I'm also good and bored with the site layout, of both the journal and the main site. I'm not sure if I want to incorporate the journal back into the main site, rather than have it in it's own little space with it's own design and all... I think I might just do that. And now would be a good time to overhaul the Greymatter to Movable Type, it's got more features I want, and is updated more frequently. So this should give me stuff to do for a while, get out of what has felt like a creative rut, or not even a rut, just an absence.
@ 12:41 AM EST
Thursday, January 22, 2004
Some people just have this way of irritating me. It's not even anything they do to me personally, nor is it even someone I know in real life, but sometimes you just get these people that rub you the wrong way. Just seeing the nickname in channel is enough to annoy me, but it's the behaviour of said person that really kicks it into overdrive, to the point that sometimes I feel the innate desire to want to stomp on their head, as horribly juvenile as that sounds, and is.
I can defend this uncharitable desire by stating that the person in question isn't particularly nice, is an attention whore who is generally consumed by their own self-importance, is patronising, is condescending, and you get the idea. I've seen this person cut off debates that they weren't winning by flatly stating that they don't want to talk about it anymore, or state a very rude or callous opinion or generalisation and then flatly state that they don't want to discuss it. I've seen this person leave in the midst of serious or personal conversations with people, just out of the blue and almost mid-sentence. I've seen this person cut off people who are troubled and distressed and are sharing their issues with others in order to glean advice, because that person just didn't want to hear it anymore. Basically a rude self-absorbed dickwad. Of course this in no way diminishes the fact that what I want to do is uncharitable.
But fuck it.
@ 10:37 PM EST
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
We didn't really go anywhere on the weekend, too cold basically. And so we basically hung out, boring to the average reader :)
Yesterday I had the doctor's appointment that I had to postpone last week, all that went well, and so I don't have to go back again until my next regular check-up. I need to talk to the pharmacy though and get my prescription in order, it's supposed to be for 6 months and they screwed up, and if they have issues they can call the doc's office.
On the way back from the doctor's I stopped by the supermarket to grab a sub, something I came to regret dearly later on. I spent most of the evening and half the night regretting it. Gah. No more lunches from the deli at the supermarket.
Other than that, it's mostly been indoor life, watched some movies, read a little, domestic chores, that kind of stuff.
@ 08:36 PM EST
Thursday, January 15, 2004
So Monday I had to postpone my doctor's visit by a week. Hopefully this Tuesday will be the last one for the next 6 months, when the next bi-annual checkup is. At least I'll get a chance to rectify a prescription fuck up, as that lovely doctor's handwriting meant that the pharmacy gave me one month's supply plus 1 refill... and 2 months of meds isn't going to last me until my next appointment in 6 months.
The weather remains horribly brutally frigid, and last night and this morning it snowed, so there's about 4 inches outside. I'm so over winter already. It's pretty as long as you don't have to go outside or drive anywhere. The dry skin and static electricity buildup is annoying though, thanks to the constant central heating. I turned the humidifier back on, even though that needs a new filter sometime soon.
Earlier in the week Maureen called to see if wanted to come over for dinner this evening because PreZ's cousin Stephanie was up from NC with her husband, and we'd be able to see them again. This would have been a good idea, were it not for the bad timing of the day. Dinner at 5.30pm is a bit early, especially with PreZ having to come all the way from the city, and them living a half hour north of us. Plus it's his bowling night, though that doesn't start til 9-9.30pm, but that would mean we'd have to curtail the evening. So we cancelled, unfortunately.
Not sure about weekend plans at the moment. Kit wants to go to Contempt on Friday, but there's snow and it's so frelling cold out that being outside for more than 2 minutes is torture. Plans with Tom and Karen were postponed 'til next weekend as their Friday and Saturday were booked solid. I guess we'll see :)
Tomorrow means a trip to the post office, I need to send off a package to Anna in Hong Kong, and some other letters as well. All must be done before the weekend, or at least preferably. And speaking of packages, Mes's care package for me never arrived, which sucks :( USPS, I hate you!
@ 06:11 PM EST
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
So the past weekend has been incredibly social, for our doing anyway.
Thursday morning I got an email and IM from Kreestof, if I was interested in hanging out and possibly seeing a (bad) movie that afternoon. So I headed over there in the afternoon, and we braced the horribly cold temperatures to go see Paycheck, with Ben Affleck and Uma Thurman and directed by John Woo. I think it met the criterium of bad movie, though it wasn't that bad, but it wasn't all that spectacular either, mostly forgettable. Afterwards we headed back to his place and had good conversation over hot chocolate, until we both had to leave at the same time to other engagements. All in all lots of fun.
Friday evening he came over, and the three of us headed off to Applebees for dinner, which was good. The rest of the evening was spent talking, geeking out with Kreestof demo'ing a game and proving with his Warcraft 3 expansion that mine wasn't broken and in need of returning, and PreZ fixed up the wireless network in the house. We kept all of that up til the wee hours, and at 7.30am Kreestof departed for home.
And Sunday evening Cherie called and asked if we wanted to hang out and go grab some dinner and a movie, and so she and Brian came up from New Brunswick. Because of the timing we just had some tea, then saw the movie, Tim Burton's Big Fish with Ewan McGregor, and had dinner at the diner afterwards. The movie was lovely, a strange tale, as was to be expeced from Tim Burton. Fun and weird and engaging. More chit chat afterwards, before we sent them on their way in the snow, as it had started snowing while we were in the theatre. Not much, just an inch or so.
And so one long weekend period makes up for the fact that we've not done much socially since Boxing Day :)
@ 04:23 PM EST
Monday, January 12, 2004
Yikes, 12 days into the new year and I haven't even posted an entry yet. I thought I had, but there you go.
New Year's Eve was quiet, and we did go and see Calendar Girls, which was amusing and entertaining, though somewhat rushed at the end, and spent the rest of the evening together, which was nice.
Recently I asked PreZ when he was going to take his karate back up again. He used to do it back in AU before we met, and when he was at his previous job he signed up again with a dojo in the city. At the time it didn't work out so well because classes were at like 6, and he wasn't working in NYC at the time, but near where we live and would have to leave quite early to make the classes on time. So after going a few times, that kind of petered out. Then of course he lost his job, which meant that personal expenditures like that were curtailed, and he hasn't been since. So I asked if he was going to start up again, because now he does work in the city, so that would be a lot easier. And then he tossed back the idea that maybe I should join up too, partly because it would be fun to do something like that together. Upside is that once he joked that if I joined karate with him, he'd join yoga with me. So currently I'm tossing up that idea. I'm unsure of whether I want to at the moment, though lord knows I could do with the exercise, which I think remains one of the eternal New Year's Resolutions together with 'eat better' and 'lose weight'.
My dad called me from South Africa just after New Year's. It was good to talk to him, something I don't get to do often enough. Talked a bit about The Situation, which of course dominates altogether way too many conversations and emails I exchange with relatives and family friends. I hate how that's become such a blackhole that sucks everything towards itself and consumes conversations. Mid-January is Doomsday, when he goes back to Holland to see what the hell's going on, and what's salvagable... if nothing he's going to look at organising a new place for my brother's to live.
He also said this year he'd either come visit here or we'd go over there. I haven't seen him since April 2001, so seeing him would be very good indeed. It would also be cool if he organises for us to go over there, I'd love to see his new place. Plus it would most likely include a trip out into the bush, which would be very cool indeed. If we do go there rather than him coming here, it would kind of screw up tentative travelling plans we had for later this year, thanks to the fact that the US has this cruddy 2 week vacation thing. But seeing as that was looking like late November anyway, pushing that back a month or 2-3 to next January or February wouldn't hurt. But we'll see how things pan out... early days yet.
@ 03:42 AM EST